Edmonton for Beginners

A few weeks ago when we were about to move into Moselle Avenue, Pennie and Tom went to IKEA. That sounds simple, and back they came with kitchen utensils, tea towels some Swedish cookies and some household gear. Pennie wanted some Tupperware type things to store food, but when they made it home the water jug was cracked, and it
was obvious the whole lot was really more like Chinese takeaway material. Discussion ensued as to whether to brave the trip to Edmonton again and negotiate the vast acreage of the store. The stuff had cost all of £4.99: 12.50 dollars.

Adventure and exploration of London being the name of the game, I had no trouble deciding to set off for Edmonton by bus, from Lordship Lane, as close as the end of Tom's road. The 144 bus for Edmonton arrived and I asked if it went near an IKEA store ; no said the driver, he went up Great Cambridge Road. Not wanting to seem too
stupid, I took that at face value, and waited for the 444. The driver said no he didn't go near IKEA, but the lady in the front seat said yes, they went near IKEA.

After some time and much winding down some very tight streets I could see nothing like a landmark or familiar name, so asked a young woman who said, just over the next two rises was a huge Tesco on the right: get off there. I did and so did a Chinese girl.We walked towards the store together, and mindful of the dirty old man syndrome I said nothing until she seemed as lost as I was, so I said are you looking for IKEA? She was, so we hunted together for a pedestrian entrance to the motorist-oriented retail wilderness. I was intrigued to find a well-spoken Chinese girl here, so I asked where she was from: China and here to study at the London School of Economics. Far East Asians are not common here: when the British say Asian they mean from southern Asia: Pakistan, India, the sub-continent mainly.
At the store we parted ways: she went upstairs, I entered the warehouse downstairs, a place the size of the Sydney Cricket Ground if not larger, but found I was where you buy a whole houseful of windows, or a kitchen, and load it into your truck or wagon. Upstairs is where you find the Klokkus, the Billys, Tigglas, the Bloggos, and it is so vast that they just give you a white line on the floor to follow. Any plans you have for going straight to the right hand back corner have to be scrapped, but there are hopeful shortcuts offered from time to time, which serve to lose you in wardrobes, or bedding with no hope of finding the white line again. I asked two staff if they ever found dead bodies, of people who have been lost for days and simply laid down behind a couch to die. I was most gratified that they creased up laughing and said they'd never looked under the beds.
A shortcut said 'Restaurant and Cafe'which was most attractive at this stage, but best of all the Returns counter was right nearby. Also near was a stock of Swedish delicacies: cookies, tinned goods, and 'Glogg' in wine bottles: no doubt the origin of our word Gloggy.
A nice young Irishman took my pathetic £4.99 Return, and said he could only offer an instore voucher, or a credit to my Visa. So it had cost me £1.20 each way in the bus, we lose 1.5% on the credit card transaction, and a coffee (awful) in the cafeteria, so the return on the undertaking was pretty minimal. BUT I have been to Edmonton, which many on this planet cannot claim.